Elvis, er Benedict, has left the building

I just called the Vatican and asked to speak to the Pope, but they said that he quit and wasn't there anymore.

Potatoes and their implications in current events

Sometimes I look at potatoes and then I look at the potatoe peeler and then I look back at the potatoes and I say, you win dudes. Then I turn to the potatoe peeler and think..."it is with regret that I must inform you that I have no use for you at this time, but I will keep you on file (in the drawer) for future consideration, best of luck in your endeavors and I wish you continued success in your, etc"

Sincerely
The man who cooks potatoes

I really am not sure if the "e" is being used properly nor do I care at this crossroads of cooking history

Whoever invented

the "dying rooster" alarm clock sound on my daughter's android should be made to listen to it repeatedly non-stop for 38 hours straight...

or she should get her butt up and shut it off.

The Bobs ask...

What would ya say, ya do here?

Here it comes!

just woke up from a dream

It was everything I had dreamed of and more. And after I awoke, it turned out to be real!

now hear this...

woop woop woop

and so begins the ending of the beggining of the end of the new beggining

confused?

an interesting fact...
I haven't had a weekend off since mid-august, the last 8 weekends have been 12
hour shifts both saturdays and sundays.

I have now announced that this is going to stop immediately.

They are working me into living like I am dead
and that's no way to make a living

So my new beggining might end up starting today. It's only a matter of hours now...

Found my dream house

broken mailbox...no lawn mower...satellite dish...priorities...priorities...priorities...

Looks like God is mad at Kansas and Alabama

For better or worse, hoping for better

The next 12-48 hours are going to be a transitional phase for me. I'd explain it all but it would probably
bore you to death. Much like a chess game, I hope to minimize the moves and make the correct moves
with sound judgement.

Cutris refuses award

Oscar responds to Cutris

http://cutris.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-oscars.html

and The Shpilkus is

According to the internet, Shpilkus is a yiddish term for something along the lines
of sitting on pins and needles. Some hint at it meaning having ants in your pants.
(you could substitute trousers if you prefer)

Either way, something is bothering you in your buttoxical region and causing you
anxiety and discomfort...

You might wanna check your pants for stray needles, get some spray, or perhaps some
butt creme.

more stuff about greatness

Considering the amount of tragedy and depression Abraham Lincoln suffered in his life,

he was once asked if he had ever contemplated suicide, he responded something along the lines of:

"No, I never considered taking my own life, I had not yet done anything great "

Feeling It The Shpilkus

Now that I have written a poem, I find myself analyzing why I did it and is poetry manly
and I actually wasn't sure if it was even a poem so I went to poetry.org and was relieved
 to find it was in fact a poem, but there's still the issue of I might be less of a man for
writing it or wait maybe thats just 'low testosterone' and besides all the great poets were
usually men anyways and why was their poetry so great and I probably haven't written a
poem since???

7th grade English class?

I guess Poetry happens, hey! I made a bumper sticker...

Art, and the art of being artful (The Voyager)

The photographer has objected to my poem being overlayed on his picture. So I gladly removed it from my blog.

That being said, I cannot seperate the words I wrote from that which compelled me to write.
Nothing is lost in this, but also, nothing gained, other than understanding and respect.

Not sure where it goes from here. Perhaps nowhere. This is completely acceptable.

MAAAAAAAA UM!

MAAAAAAA UM! DAD'S ON THE INTERNET PIRATING PICTURES AND WRITING POETRY AGAIN.....MAAAAAAAAA UM?

Unleaded BBQ Sauce

All Plumbing items are now $12.00 each

I can understand the valve being $12, if it were made in the USA. None of this is made here. A bottle of map gas...$12.00? seriously?  And these fancy shmancy torch things with the push button auto start? They work 2 times and then, hardly any flame and they will not auto start ever again, EVER, why? Because it's cheap chinese shit plastic. I bought a new one that was all metal, but, the flame adjustment knob, is still plastic. Guess how much? that's right, twelve dollars. Maybe I'll get 3 uses out of it? I won't be counting on it.

Pretty soon, the copper pipe is going to be made out of plastic, 3 feet of copper pipe? yes that's right, twelve
dollars. Pretty soon my plumbers crack butt is going to be made out of plastic from China and you can bet your ass it's gonna cost you $12.00.

Apparently

I have made it to round 2 in my job interview. This is great but, I went thru 3 rounds in the last and still was not selected...
Experience and knowledge used to count, now? I must find the intangibles...

They are bringing me in for a second interview to meet with the CTO? The Chief Technology Officer...
why would a CTO give a ________'s _____ about a helpdesk guy?

Drip, drip, drip

So the city replaced my internal water meter because they said the other one was too old. This is fine, they showed up when they said they would. They replaced it in 15 minutes and didn't leave a huge mess and off they went to do the next one.
Problem is, and oh there is always a problem when you mess with pipes, there is now a drip-drip leak on the house shutoff valve after the meter. So now I am faced with- do I attempt to fix it? or just leave a bucket under it and hope the leak gels up, it has gelled up in the past, but the valve is obviously compromised and very corroded. If it goes, the water supply could still be shut off before the meter, but if no one is home? Yeah, plumbing is super fun stuff.

I have decided that I am going to tackle this though I always seem to, with few exceptions, do something that makes the problem worse. Hence my fear, or pussness, if you like.

Wish I was better at copper. I am pretty damned good with PVC and black pipe, but copper soldering, not so much. I will plan and not cut until I have planned and re-planned this out.

I have succesfully done copper before so maybe I should just shut up and git'r'done?

Man retrieves wabbit hat from owl, lives to answer questions about stuff

see? I have retrieved my wabbit hat and the owl is unharmed but hatless...I am also looking like I wasn't inside of an owl...

If this confuses you, go to http://cutris.blogspot.com/ and it might make more sense, but maybe not.

Amber Alert

An infant has been reported abducted in south Minneapolis. I just heard about it on Minnesota Public Radio.
I came upstairs and was taking a stupid picture of myself in my rabbit hat to prove I wasn't eaten by an owl when in mid pose my cell phone started flipping out and vibrating and making a very strange irritating noise like it was going to have a baby cell phone or some crap...

My cell phone just got the amber alert information with the description of the infant and possible abducter.
This abduction happened only one hour ago.

Ya know...
Technology can be very irritating and overwhelming sometimes.
I often ask myself where all this technology is leading us as a society.

But this?
I am totally impressed by what my cell phone just did.
Whoever made this possible needs to pat themselves on the back bigtime.

There can be no justification

for the trapping of the gray wolf. You trap one of these? you are human garbage, lets bind your hands and put your leg in one and watch you chew off your leg as you slowly die of dehyrdation. Then we'll see how big of a man you really aren't.

back on Tegucigalpa time

Tegucigalpa time check 1-2, check, can you hear me Tulsa?

The Mayans set my blog back to Pacific Time on 12-21-12, it appears to be corrected now...

Rumor Alert

If someone starts a rumor about me being eaten by an owl, I assure you, it's not true.

It's gotta be easier in the woods

So I had another really good interview yesterday. The kind where as you are walking out you are almost anticipating the offer and a handshake. Those days no longer exist. It is quite disconcerting. It's almost like
you lose part of your existence. Like you slightly fade and if they'd only accept you it would then reaffirm your existence and bring you back into view, or focus, or you'd be a complete picture again?

I don't know how to feel. I wish it were simpler. You get in the elevator and off you go into this abyss of
waiting on someone else's judgement. LIke the jury is going to be in deliberation deciding your fate. And you
might not ever find out your fate.

Then again, when you get out of the elevator and step out into the street, you are no less, or no more you.
You remain the same.

It's gotta be easier in the woods...

Looks like they spell different in France

According to Google Translates French...

Pneus, means Tires. So's if ya got a flat, you are going to wanna turn right at this green signale la trauficante and go down the rue a ways...
watch for a boutique condom (condom shop)  where they can put a new tire around your Pneus for ya...


If they can find it, that is...

I tell you what...

all you punks that work in the packaging industry? I will get it open, you mark my words.

You think that an Abrams tank running over your packaging will not break the seal. I bet you even have one for testing your shit.
Well, chew this...
I'll be standing in the kitchen ripping your packaging apart with my teeth. I'll have donuts rolling down the basement stairs OH I'LL GET THE SHIT OPEN even if I only get one damned donut
your crap be chewed off and spat in random directions and my face might be all cut up and bleedin...but.. I WILL get my donut and you and your smarty pants dinosaur proof, nuclear bomb tested plastic packaging ain't gonna stop me, I'll get a f'ing chainsaw if I have to...punk asses, no donuts for you.

Asteroid 2012 DA14 to sweep close on February 15, 2013

This chunk of crap is going to miss the Oyth by only 17,000 miles. That's 5,500 miles closer in than telecommunications satellites! Yet, not to worry none. NASA has guaranteed it will not strike the Oyth.
Gee. Remember when NASA denied that the chunks of foam from the fuel tank didn't cause the space shuttle Columbia to burn up in the atmosphere?

We only have 2½ hours left.

Oh and you don't have to worry none...

Republicans wanna know...

Got my hair moved off

Today, I went to my favorite banter- er barber shop and got my head shaved. I like it when I tell them to shave my head and they actually shave it, many times they want to leave hair in case ya get mad it's too short. The best part is the banter. It was Valentine's theme, so it was a lot of "hey baby I love you so much! LOOK! I got you a dozen long neck beers, how bout we go out in the garage and do it on the hood of my pickup"?

Sorry I drank 2 of the beers already I'll make it up to ya somehow

err...

Man goes into flower shop on Valentine's Day...

and retrieves 1 dozen standard red roses complete with baby's breath and manages to do it in 3 minutes and 52 seconds flat, my greatness or just dumb luck?

note: it took me longer to squeeze my fat ass in between vehicles to get in my truck and leave than it did to buy the flowers, next time leave a can opener.

Popeholio

I AM POPEHOLIO! ARE YOU QUITTING ON ME?

We have ice pellets!

Storm repellant device has apparently failed

Back to the ole drawing board...

My magic storm repellant device appears to be working

So it would seem that it is snowing, raining, sleeting or crapping everywhere but Minneapolis. Plus it's a model made before catalytic converters so it runs good on regular gas...

More Top 10 Reasons not to live out east

Gettin stuck in the cah in bawstun? They'll always tell ya how crappy it must be to live in the midwestern states.

The McMillion Sisters

Stranded in the 78 TransAm in a supposed snowstorm. From EFS Stand And Deliver, the Eyeball Scene.

They stole our freekin idea!

http://go-systems.blogspot.com/2009/11/robo-goat-hes-gnarly-and-hes-old-and.html

No. We invented the real robogoat. See?

At least they are Navy,

 I guess...

EFS - "Don't Call Me Other People"

click here to watch EFS - "Don't Call Me Other People"

Crapometer is pegging

A brief comment about crap

I have seen a lot of crap in my lifetime. I have been handed crap many, many times. This week, I avoided some crap. This got me thinking about how well I handle crap and am I even aware of when some crap is being handed to me. Some may say this is a crapload. But think about it. I'd really rather avoid crap, especially yours. I think I get my fair share of crap handed to me. The older I get, I'd really rather you deal with your own crap instead of trying to hand it to me. Go throw your crap over your neighbors fence or something. A lot of the time, if I even have the slightest feeling that something is crap, I will usually call it a load of crap and walk away. So the next time you try to hand me some crap, do not act all offended when I hand it back to you. I have enough crap of my own, you should keep it or give it to someone else, because quite honestly, I am tired of your crap.

I have been inducted!

To the pro football hall of fame. Says here I was a linebacker. I didn't even realize I was a pro football player. Apparently I was pretty good at it and now I get to wear some kind of jacket or blazer or ring, plus I get to cry on TV, that's the best part! My greatness continues yet again...

Footnote: I played for the Packers. Why oh why did I play for the one team I hate with every drop of my DNA? Reality is cruel sometimes.